Dear Bugs

Dear Impostor Ladybugs,

You may think that you’re fooling me by resembling a ladybug, but I’m onto you. I know what you are and I don’t want you here. Consider this your notice to vacate the premises.

Should you choose not to vacate, then you leave me no choice but to exterminate you. I can’t say how you will die… you may be crushed in toilet paper or a tissue while I am trying to pick you up. You may be stepped on and crushed by a shoe, because there is no way my foot will touch you otherwise. In either of these cases, you will most likely be flushed down the toilet… just to ensure that you don’t come back. If you’re lucky though, I may grab the vacuum and sweep you up, in which case you will end up in a garbage bag…sealed… in the trash… outside, once again ensuring that you do not find your way back into the house.

I am giving you the chance to get out now, so please take that chance and run! If even after knowing how you could die, you and your buddies still choose to stay here and call our house “home” and you keep prancing around where I can see you, then I may be forced to pull out the big guns. I don’t want to do it though, because it means that I, as well as my child and dog, will have to leave the house for a few hours. It will also mean hours of cleaning before I feel that it is safe enough for my son to do anything in the house again, but I’m willing to drop the bomb if I have to. Yes that is the bug bomb. Please don’t force me to go to that extreme… please just leave… now.

Good riddance.