Over the past year, I’ve sat here in front of my laptop so many times, just as I do now, with the intention to write… something, anything… but the words failed me over and over again. Rather than do nothing, I’d tinker with the site – making a few changes here and there… adding and removing items in the shop.
The loss of my father, followed by the miscarriage in the fall of 2015, took its toll on me. I tried to act like everything was okay – that I was strong and over it, but grief had me in a firm grip and refused to let go. I thought that by removing all but a few select posts, I could distance myself from the pain… make this place my happy place again… but I was wrong. The thing that really sucks about grief is that it doesn’t have an expiration date. It stays as with you as long as it wants and even when you think that you’ve started to move forward, it has this funny way of showing up again when you least expect or want it too. Even now, just sitting here and typing these words, I can feel my heart quicken and my breathing get shorter and faster… remembering… reliving.
But enough about the past. Lets move on to today – it’s a cold January day in a fresh new year. Winter break for the older kids and husband have ended, and now it’s just me and the little guy again. The house is slowly getting back to it’s normal (crazy) state, and new goals are being made.
Which leads me to the title of this post – A rebirth of sorts… a rebirth of this blog, of my shop… of me. After all, the new year is a time for new beginnings.
In August of last year, my husband and I made to decision to become healthier… for us, for the kids, for the vacation that we booked for early this year(!!). We started making changed to our eating habits and we started working out regularly. By Thanksgiving we’d completed Beachbody’s T25 program and are now almost finished with the first segment of P90x3. I’ve lost 15+ pounds in the last 7 months, have gained muscle, and am stronger and feel better (and am also more sore) than I have in a very, very long time.
Along with getting my body physically healthier, I’ve also been working on getting me back to a version of me that I can live with. I’ve learned that I need to be gentler on myself and accept the days as they come. Most days are good, but there are definitely days when grief hits me like a brick to the chest. Those are the days when the house gets neglected, the kids get extra snuggles, and the current knitting or crochet project gets worked on… a lot. I’ve always been a little prone to the “hippy, dippy, woowoo” stuff, and have gotten a little more so this past year. I promise to keep this place (mostly) woowoo free! ha!
I knit or crochet daily, mostly personal projects right now, ones that didn’t get done in time for the holidays. Late last fall, I started working on a new line of crocheted products that I’ll be adding to the shop as soon as the last few items have been finished and photographed. I plan on making a few changes to the current line of products and will be much more active with both the shop and this blog this year. The kids are getting older, and while their schedules continue to keep us busy, these are two things that I do not and will not give up on. I really look forward to working on some of the ideas that I have running through my mind, and I can’t wait to share them all with you.
If any of you are still reading my rambling post, thank you!!! Thank you so much for almost 8 1/2 years of support. It means the world to me!