It shall pass…

Have you ever had one of those days where you start a sentence and then stop midway and think… oh never mind… and you keep doing that over and over? It seems like the past few weeks have been like that for me. I would start a post, get a paragraph or two into it and think to myself… this isn’t what I want to write about… I can’t say that… this isn’t me…

Then there are things that I would like to write about, but can’t… not yet at least. That kills me too, because I’m not one who easily keeps things to herself… I like to share, so keeping my mouth shut is a big deal! I just feel like I have been gripey (I know it’s not a word, but I didn’t want to type the “b” word) and whiney and just in an over all blog funk. So I get posts ready with lots of pictures, because then you at least have something cute to look at (yes I know that I am very, very biased thankyouverymuch).

I have every reason to be happy – and I am happy – and yet at the same time I’m in a funk. Around me there are family members who are sick… others who are undergoing testing to find out what it is that is ailing them, knowing that the prognosis is one of 2 options – neither one of which is good news… family who have suffered heartache recently… friends of the family dealing with the “c” word… others dealing with decisions that are life altering… and here I am healthy as a horse… and yet I’m in a funk.

I’m sitting here not knowing what to type… call it a blog fart moment. How did I get to this place? Why am I being like this… I think I know, but then again I don’t think I do. There are times where I think to myself… had I just started an anonymous blog, I could write my little heart out… without having to worry about what others close to me think about it and about what I have written, maybe then I wouldn’t be feeling this way… but I didn’t and I do worry and so I censor myself.

Writing has always been my release… since I tend to bottle up my emotions (at least the non-happy ones) it is a way to get out what I trapped inside of me… I’ve always had a journal, though I’ve used it less and less as the years went on. There was a time during and just after high school though that it got a lot of use… I mean a lot (it’s no wonder considering everything that was going on at the time). So I guess, as cryptic as it is… this is my release post… the post that would have, should have gone in the journal, but instead it was written here… because, although I know where the journal is, I don’t remember when the last time was that I wrote in it… and I would feel like I would have too much catching up to do in there, before actually being able to write about what I had originally intended to. Yes, I am crazy like that… I don’t know why.

Alright… enough with my self pity party… it is a beautiful day out… it’s time to shake off the funk and move on… I hope it works… wish me luck!