Letter to my father

I can’t believe that it’s been a week already… it’s passed by both horrendously slow and incredibly quickly – and somehow both seemed to happen at the same time.

I feel odd typing out what normally would have been my part of our weekly chat… I’ve missed the regularity of those conversations these past few weeks, first while you were in the ICU, then the hospital, and finally rehab… but at least then we could still talk and I was happy whenever we did.

That’s all gone now and I honestly don’t know what to do. This has been such a shock and there’s this hole in my heart that I don’t know how to fill… so I’ll write. It’s what I’ve always done. I know that you can’t read it, and it doesn’t really matter now that you’re watching over all of us, but if nothing else, this can be a digital journal about what’s going on in our lives right… something that we’ll be able to look back on as the days, weeks, and years pass.

It’s cooled down a bit here these past few days and it’s really starting to feel like fall, which is fitting since school starts up again this week. I think it’ll be a good thing for all of us. Noah’s looking forward to it and, after being so excited for months, Abby has become very nervous. She’ll do great though once she gets used to the routine and people, I just know it. I’m pretty sure Michael will like the break from the older two… he’ll be getting lots of alone time now – well, at least until the little one comes.

Speaking of the little one – we got “the call” from the doctor’s office during the drive home from Texas on Friday. We’re evening out the family and having another little girl! Abby and Noah are both so excited – Michael couldn’t care less, but then again he doesn’t really understand what’s happening. Ray and I are excited too – we’d have been happy either way as long as it’s healthy, but having two and two makes the bedroom situation a little easier!

Ray and I took the long way to Texas on the drive down. I never realized just how beautiful Iowa is! I thought it was just another flat, corn filled state, but there were so many hills. We very quickly checked out Kansas City and some of the suburbs… it’s not a must move to-er, but it’s not off the list either, so that’s good. We have a few more on the list that we want to check out and then I think we’ll be making a decision one way or the other. We’ll see how it goes!

Being at your house without you was just strange, not as strange as seeing you laying there though. Seeing you on Thursday was surreal. They did good – the color was too pale, but they did good. Even after three days of knowing, I couldn’t help but hope that you were just playing some sick practical joke on us like you used to do at Halloween. I was half expecting you to sit up during the service and start laughing… but you didn’t. You just watched from above as we all sat there – watching the pictures move by on the monitors, and listening to stories and then Q play Edelweiss on the accordion… he did a really good job – you would have loved it. The place was packed – so many people showed up both there and at the VFW on Sunday. It was touching to see just how loved you were!

I need to get the kids ready and finish putting the school supplies together for the kids, but I just needed to talk write. I miss you – more than you will ever know. I love you.

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