Letter to my father (2)

So it’s been just over two weeks now… it’s getting a little easier to deal with now during the day, but it’s still hard. Despite thinking that there can’t possibly any tears left in me, there are – lots of them in fact – and they still fall freely. I feel numb most days and like I’m just going through the motions.

So what’s new here? The kids started school last week – Noah first, then Abby the following day. They both love it, and with the exception of one morning, have both been very happy to get out of the house and onto the bus.

Michael is loving the mommy time. It’s fun to watch him run with the kids to the bus stop, hug and kiss them, wave good-bye as the bus takes off, then immediately grab my finger and start dragging me home. He knows that for the next few hours, he has me all to himself.

We haven’t really done anything spectacular yet – just cleaning and errands, but he loves to help and is always so happy while the others are gone. He’s actually been “helping” me clean a lot lately. Turns out that’s how I keep the sadness from consuming me. Not sure that I wanted grief cleaning to be what makes me a more decent homemaker – but I’ll make the best of it I guess and thank you for that!

It’s gotten hot again here this week. The grill and crockpot have been getting more use. We tried something new and grilled up a mean pork tenderloin the other day  – it was so good! I think you would have liked it. I’m turning on the oven and trying my luck with eggplant parmesan tonight… we’ll see how that turns out and whether or not the kids will actually eat it. It smells really good though, so maybe… just maybe…

Ray and I tried watching The Beginners last night. I’ve been wanting to watch that for a while now. Ray, being the sweetheart that he is, turned it off after only 2 minutes. He knew I wouldn’t make it through it… I already had tears welling up in my eyes. So we watched High Fidelity instead… such a good movie… only we both forgot about that one scene… and then the tears were back. He tried… I’m so lucky to have him. He’s been my rock through all of this.

I just took the eggplant parmesan out of the oven and Noah ran down the stairs asking “what’s the good smell down here?!” Maybe dinner will be a success after all!

Dinnertime, so that’s all for now. I miss you, so very much.

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